yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
