New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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