At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
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The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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