I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Of course I have a pirate flag
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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