I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Randomize
