there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize