omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
