Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
