I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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