so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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