My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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