What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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