I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize