I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
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I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
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We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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