honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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