I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
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You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
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