DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm bleeding and have questions
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
