My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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