We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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