i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
