Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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