please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
