The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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