So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
