Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
