I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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