if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
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that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
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I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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