I faked an abortion last night.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
