you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
