I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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