just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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