i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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