THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
