Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
