some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
