its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
