Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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