I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
