You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
