I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
