please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
