she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
