He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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