I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
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I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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