he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
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I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
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I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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