I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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