come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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