Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize