curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
