I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
