I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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