So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
