If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
