laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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