i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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