I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize