My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
