he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
